Wednesday, May 5, 2010


Two weeks ago I was sitting on a bench waiting for the bus to come. Just minding my own business trying to solve a Sudoku. An old lady sits down next to me and says: "Hello!" with a cheerful voice and tries to hand a flyer to me.
"No, thank you. I am not interested."
"Do you have the Holy Bible?" (same cheerful voice)
"No, I don't."
"Let me read you from the Holy Bible."
"Please don't, Mam. I am not interested."
"But I have to read to you. To save you."
"Do not read to me, Mam, and please do not save me."

Of Course she takes her bible out of her handbag and flips it open at the chapters of Revelation and starts reading out loud from it.

I, on the other hand, return to my sudoku and decide that nice looking "reli-grannies" are at the same level as mice: they look nice - some even cute - but in reality they are a pest.

To make a long story short, after her reading to me we ended up in a little argument and the conclusion that we will both end up in Hell: she for not respecting her fellow human beings and I  because I am not saved.

A few days later I am waiting (whole different location) for the bus to arrive. I see three reli-grannies coming towards the bus stop. One walks to me with her arm stretched to hand me a leaflet. I turned towards her and start to growl. Softly first, then curl my upper lip, growl louder and finish it with a nice aggressive bark.
The woman jumps back, puts the leaflet in her handbag and returns to the other reli-grannies.

IT WORKS! Hallelujah!

From now on, whenever one of the reli-grannies comes to near me, I will bark at them. No more discussions, no more patiently telling them that I do not wish to be saved. From now on it will be:


Ily said...

I love it!! I want to be with you the next time a "reli-granny" approaches you! lol

PS - I think you just came up with a new word. :)

Granny Annie said...

I mostly encounter "reli-youngsters" who arrive on bicycles with bible in hand. In all honesty, and in defense of grannies, I have only encountered younger persons handing out leaflets and religious propaganda. If they come to our door my husband invites them in and promises he will listen to them if they will first listen and join his discussion of sex. They usually leave without another word. I believe I will adopt the growling as a good cure.

Ricardo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ricardo said...

WOW the barking does work. I will use it but some might actually like that.

Holland said...

Ily: I know you do...LOL but I am not sure I invented the "reli-granny" (would be nice)

Annie: Love the sex discussion first...LOL

Ricardo: Just in case you meet someone who likes it... just make sure you have a ball with you, play fetch and run, Ricardo, RUN!

Fireblossom said...

Unclean Spirit, come sit by me lol.

Holland said...

Shay: both Gemini as well as unclean spirits... the world has just become a little better LOL

Chickie said...

Bwahahahahaha! That is awesome!

Jehovah's Witnesses have been coming to my house for 8 years now. I haven't had the heart to tell them that they aren't going to catch me so I decided to answer the door naked the next time they came. I thought they were at the door the other day so I ran to the door to see the UPS man leaving a package. I think I dropped to the ground before he spied me.

I should just tell the JWs to quit coming by.

Holland said...

LOL, that is so funny. I was not that lucky one morning, years ago, when I woke up. I lived in an apartment on the 4th floor and completely naked I opened the curtains ans tared into a smiling face of the guy who washes the windows. We both said good morning (yeap, I tried to stay cool) and then I closed the curtains

the walking man said...

If that doesn't work...grab their ear and twist it and bite it. Let them feel what it's like.

Holland said...

Oh I could not bite them. I didn't get my shots this